Thank God I Survived the Eating Disorder… & This is How.. (ED Recovery)

Uncategorized Mar 06, 2020

Let me share something personal with you….

 

  • I was bedridden, bloated, in pain, my whole body ached, brain fog, fatigued, zilch energy, anxious, fearful, unable to digest any foods anymore, had lost my menstrual cycle, was dizzy and faint, lost my sex drive, lost many relationships, lost my passion for life, isolated, my bones felt like they had osteoporosis, my nervous system felt like it was buzzing,
  • Thoughts about food were was what my life consisted of, but the foods I craved were “feared and forbidden”
  • I hated my body, and couldn’t resist pinching fat on my body or body checking every time I passed the mirror
  • I could not stop the binging when I would allow myself a “fear food”
  • It seemed body had developed many allergies and sensitivities to foods, I had night tremors, unable to sleep
  • I was severely underweight, my heart felt weak, and unsteady, I was constipated beyond belief
  • I relied on enemas daily for over a year, as well as laxatives and diuretics,
  • I felt disconnected and depressed
  • I was emotionally unstable, and insecure
  • I was isolated and miserable, losing a lot of my relationships with loved ones

 

Does any of this sound like your experience?!

 

I was just trying to be “healthy” and “fit” though.. I was supposedly following the most “perfect and optimal” diets out there!!
I did not think what I was doing, was contributing to how I terrible I had been feeling.

 

One word: DENIAL!

 

 

I then took it even further becoming extremely emaciated in my orthorexic days following the Fitness Modeling and Competing escapade… 

(these pictures don’t even show my skinniest points, as I was so ashamed I deleted all photos that were taken of me at the time…don’t let the smiles deceive how shitty I was feeling…lol)

 

 

Long story short, I decided to move to Hawaii; if I was going to suffer, I might as well suffer in paradise, right?

 

Although it was extremely stressful to make this move, I was pretty careless at this point about anything (feeling suicidal some days, as well as hopeless for my health and sanity), and spontaneously made the move…

 

This was the best decision I could have made for myself, as it was the turning point in my life that everything changed… 

 

I still did not think I had a problembut Hawaii was about to crank my eyes wide open..

 

I knew something had to change, I couldn’t keep doing what I was doing…I was fading away… my situation would soon become fatal…

 

Making the spontaneous move and living in Hawaii on an organic farm and then in a van, vulnerable, dependent on others for transportation, and grocery shopping; I couldn’t prepare foods as my mind wanted…

 

This took away my control, of food; so I took what I could get.

 

Eating normal meals, more than just fruit and veggies, gave me just the amount of nourishment I needed to think clearly, awakened my appetite, and showed my body it wasn’t in a famine anymore….

 

No matter how hard I tried to go back to my old restrictive thoughts and beliefs, it was already broken as if the beast had finally been released; there was no turning back. 

 

I was about to embark on a several month long bingeing spree, but this spree would bring the life back in to me.

 

 

For several months…

  • I still tried to fight the change even though deep down I knew it was what I needed and desperately wanted…
  • I thought I had lost my “self control” and “will power” I once had “mastered”..
  • I felt I had become weak, and the “addiction” was controlling me.. the addiction of cooked, fatty, starchy, and animal product foods…

 

But what I started to slowly realize was…it wasn’t an addiction, it was the fuel my body so desperately needed and had been craving for fucking, YEARS…

 

and as I continued feeding my body these so called “fear” foods…the better I felt

 

  • slowly, I began to care more about how good I was feeling, more so than the weight I was gaining in the process. 
  • I started to feel more energized, and my digestion was healing..
  • My period came back, my sex drive returned big time,
  • My laughter, joy, and strength, was all returning!!
  • I truly felt I was getting my life back.
  • I went out with loved ones without having to think about what I’d do about food. (the relief and freedom this gave me is damn straight priceless.) 

 

The day I realized restricting, being extreme and overexerting my body and obsessing about how unhappy I was with my body, was a problemwas the day I never looked back… 
…isn’t this something you want??

 

If I had someone to guide me, I would have saved myself from a heap of unnecessary struggle and setbacks…

 

I giggle now, but this shit is real!!

 

  • I felt so alone…
  • I felt I failed…
  • I felt such shame, disgust, and disappointment in myself….

 

Allow yourself to ask for help and guidance; you don’t have to do it all alone, you don’t have to recreate the wheel.

 

You can learn from someone like myself, who went through it, learned the hard way of what to do and what not to do, so YOU DON’T HAVE TO!

 

This is why I offer my services, to help you realize what to do, the steps to follow, the things you need to allow to happen, so you can do it successfully!

 

 

I did not understand why the horrid symptoms I felt were happening during early recovery and what their purpose was…

 

Like why:

  • …did I have a bloated [pregnant-like] belly?
  • …I felt severely fatigued or nauseous after eating more food?
  • …I had severe edema from my face to my ankles?
  • …I had Inflammation in my joints, knees, and feet?
  • …I was so emotionally unstable?
  • …I felt I was ruining myself, becoming weaker, and I struggled a draining battlefield inside my mind…

 

Having some form of guidance early on and the support throughout the process…

 

will save you the doubt, feelings of disgust, shame, and feeling disappointment in yourself, through this rough time because you’ll understand the process and have tools to empower yourself to stick through it all….

 

Shut up the inner chatter from the ED telling you why you must not recover and remember why you must recover. Got it??

 

Don’t underestimate the power of support, it can make or break your recovery.

 

Don’t we all want someone who understands?? I used to think I could do without, and could do everything all by myself..but i’ve grown up from this idea and realized the power of many, compared to just one, especially one that’s dysfunctional and one-sided.

 

…I understand what it’s like to struggle, suffer, and feel as if there’s nowhere else to turn….

 

I know the darkness, disordered eating and restrictive dieting brings, and all the life it takes away from us.

 

Unfortunately I went through my recovery journey alone, so I want to make sure, others with the desire to recover, won’t be alone and will have clear insight as to how to get the f@!* out! 

 

I now feel compelled to empower others who are suffering from the many disordered eating patterns out there, that I too spent a great deal of my life all-consumed in.

 

  • I want to help show you what to do, and what not to do…
  • I want to help be your mirror so that you can see how valuable you are, and how worth it you are, to recover. 
  • I want people to get the hell over themselves and all these restrictive shenanigans..oh and to stop caring so damn much!!
  • I’m dedicated to be here for YOU because I freakin’ care and am SO OVER watching people suffer for no valid reason. 
  • I’m sick and tired of people being sick and tired, (cliche much?) and living a shitty restricted life.
  • I want to expose the manipulative diet trends out their stealing your health and sanity… So you can reclaim your voice and freedom back around food, exercise, and body standards.

 

Click Here to find out more on my 7 Week Intensive Coaching Program – this was the exact resource with all the information I needed in one place, that I wish I had in my recovery.. 

 

You have so much more to offer than looking unsustainably “picture perfect,” being fearful around food, and being chained to the gym.

 

It’s time to break out of old dogmas you’ve learned from someone else, that are NOT working for you…

 

Don’t allow yourself to further go down this dark, lonely, and life-sucking path another day!!

 

SCREW the standards and what others say we “should” look like…
Create your own standards for yourself! 

 

You may have tried one or multiple of the following popular diets, dogmas, or “lifestyles” like I did:

 

-Intermittent fasting and/or full on Water Fasting

-Cleansing and Juicing

-Veganism

-Paleo

-Raw Foodism (and/or Fruitarianism)

-Bodybuilding/Fitness modeling Diet

-High volume exercise

-Stimulant drugs / weight loss pills

-Low-carb (Atkins/Ketogenic)

-Low-Fat

-Sugar Free

-Dairy Free

-Gluten/Grain Free

-Low-calorie (calorie restricting)

 

….yet, still are struggling for our health and sanity.. and so we continue to grasp on to these ideologies and diet theologies for our dear lives…

 

…because we’ve put so much trust and dedication into them, and outside of ourselves

 

  • Do you want to know what I did, to break free from all the bullshit and reclaim my life back after almost a decade of losing my self, my life, my relationships, my health, my happiness, my laughter, my freedom, and my sanity??
  • Are you ready to take responsibility and ACTION towards true freedom, health, healing, and recovery?

 

Lets do it, together! I am here for you!

 

Click Here to get instant access to my 7 Week Intensive Coaching Program – this was the exact resource with all the information I needed in one place, that I wish I had in my recovery.. 

 

xx Kayla Rose

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