Will your OVERSHOOT WEIGHT go down soon in ED Recovery??

Uncategorized Mar 09, 2020
I want to go over a topic I hear a lot about in the recovery community. This topic in specific, was a comment on one of my other videos, "will I become obese" on youtube, so I wanted to read it to you first, and then I want to address it because I don't want my message to be misunderstood. I could see totally what some of you guys say, so I want to clear things up, so there's no confusion or certain "expectations" about how your recovery will end or how you're going to end up after your recovery.

Okay, so what do I mean by all of this, I'll leave it anonymous if you guys want to check the comments section, you can feel more than welcome to, but I'm going to read it here, she says:

“I don’t think it’s fair to say you won’t stay at a weight you’re uncomfortable at or that you won’t stay obese that’s simply not true, you even said it people raise their set weight point. I’ve always been around 140 lbs and when I stopped dieting I shot up to 170 and I’ve creeped up to 190 in the subsequent years. I’m most definitely not in quasi recovery and have zero faith that I will lose that weight, nor do I care. In general I like your message but sometimes your channel feels misleading and as if you’re saying, if you do this right, you’ll lose weight too. I also think your story might mislead people into thinking they’ll gain and then lose too, like you, when that simply isn’t the case for everyone.”

~Anonymous youtube comment

I agree with a lot of these points. I could see how specific videos or thumbnails and my videos can be taken.

I believe this and have tried to say this in the past, which, maybe it didn't come off in this way, but I tell all my clients this and in my programs and my book that not everyone is going to go down or lower their set weight point.

(although, typically, what I see is that people do overshoot but then go back down to a lower weight – where their body seems to feel most comfortable at)

What I've said in the past: you can raise your set-weight point (not permanently though) from continually restricting yourself and going back and forth between restricting [and lowering your metabolism] and then binging [as a result from restriction as a cry from the body for a lot of energy]. Then after you've binged, you feel guilty and shameful. So you go back to restricting, and then you feel so obsessed and out of control around food, or you feel so weak and miserable, and you're sick of restricting and dieting that you then choose recovery again, and you commit and….

You know this cycle, as I've talked about many times before...

Those who stay in that cycle may remain in it for a long time – for months and months or even years and years or often what we see a lot in our culture is stuck their whole life from childhood and forever after. Why? Because that's what we're taught is that you have to restrict or be on some diet to "maintain your healthiest weight."

Which, all I mean by that is "maintain your healthy weight, where your body feels most comfortable at," and of course, that's going to be entirely different for everyone.

So there's body diversity, and some people tend to carry more bodies found on them, and there are people that tend to be naturally more "lean" but not necessarily the leanness that we see all over Instagram, right?

And yes, there might be some people like that, but that doesn't mean everyone is like that. I'm not like that either. So even though I ended up losing some of my overshoot, it doesn't mean that I'm back to where I was when I was dieting and restricting or over-exercising.

No, I'm over that mark still, and I'm completely happy and feel good about that

and so should you!

So yes people may raise their set weight point, but that does not mean it’s permanent for everyone, IF their body doesn’t want to be at a higher weight. The only way to know if that will naturally happen is to see where your body goes after months and years of letting go of all restrictions and over exercising and seeing where your body naturally gravitates towards.

So I agree with the place she was at – where she was saying she "overshot" or is at a higher weight than her pre-ED-weight in the dieting or in restricting. So she's overshot that malnourished weight, and she doesn't feel like her body is meant to have less weight.

Whether that's true or not, the future will tell if that's where her body wants to reside at and if it does, then yeah, that's entirely normal for her. However, that doesn't mean that's for everyone and vise versa.

Moreover, that's the best place to be mentally that you completely accept that.

That’s a lot of what recovery is, is getting to a place of being like “okay I am where I am and I’m working to accept where I am RIGHT NOW and I’m working to continue to live my life and find my value beyond my body -RIGHT NOW.

I’m going to, if I have the energy and desire to live my life whatever that looks like for you, whether to follow this passion or follow this hobby or do this certain thing in life – I’m going to continue to do that RIGHT NOW, in my recovery – wherever I’m at, whatever body I’m in, whatever my body looks like RIGHT NOW and I’m gonna do that becauseI accept where I am and I feel the healthiest that I have or I’ve gotten so much health and freedom in return in recovery thus far.

Who cares, and yes, that's exactly what I talk about is that mindset.

That mindset is crucial in recovery. You have to completely let go of the thought of ever losing any weight. I believe that's why my recovery went the way it did. I'm not saying everyone's recovery is going to go like mine. Not everyone's recovery is going to go like Joe's or Sue's. Everyone is different.

This is not a one-size-fits-all, cookie-cutter kind of approach. Instead, recovery is about listening to your body, following the body and allowing the body to guide you, being okay with that, and accepting wherever the body takes you and wherever the body wants to be.

.

That may adjust and fluctuate, which is expected in life, so I am NOT attached to this body that I'm at right now because it's bound to change in the future. I've talked about this in the past as well, it could vary from a life crisis, from a life shift, or just the natural aging process, and that's completely normal.

We should embrace that and accept that in our culture.

It's maybe more challenging for some people to accept that because they want to hold on to that youth or find the Fountain of Youth, but you're just fighting biology. You're just fighting life.

Aging – that's a beautiful process that we should not shame or look down upon women older than me that carry themselves well, they're doing what I want to do, I look up to them, I have so much respect for them.

Yeah, maybe their body doesn't look like a 20-year-old or someone in their 20s or 30s, but who freaking cares.

They are beautiful. It's not just about the body, and I don't admire them for their body. I admire them for who they are and what they bring into this world.

That's how it should be. The younger should look up to the elders for wisdom - we can find a lot of beauty and respect in people of all ages outside of how their body looks.

I hope that this is all making sense. The main point of all of this is that I hope no one's comparing their recovery to mine or someone else's channel on YouTube, or Blog, of how the other recovered influencers.

We're all so different, and we can't promise anyone anything. We can't say a timeline of when certain things are going to happen. We can't know if and when the body is going to lose overshoot.

The whole point of all of this is to get to the point of, if your body is in "overshoot," it's not to even think of it as overshoot. It's literally to reframe that mindset and that belief and be like,

 

"Okay, if my body is at a higher weight right now, then that means it very well needs to be for whatever reason.

If my body has taken me here after years of restricting, dieting and deprivation and perhaps purging and over-exercising and my body has gained this much weight as a result from following the extreme hunger and from resting from exercise, from taking time for myself and listening to my body and honoring my body – then this is where my body wants and needs to be right now. I can't live solely for the future.

I can't be thinking in my recovery "oh my gosh, okay, so if I am in overshoot and when am I going to lose and I hope that my recovery goes like so-and-so's and if I hold out this much longer, then perhaps the weight will go away" – these kinds of mindsets towards recovery, that's the wrong kind of mindset.

In this sense, you're still in the weight loss diet-y type mindsets as you were when you were dieting or restricting, recovery becomes another means-to-an-end, and you're doing it to get it over with, heal the metabolism and get back to a lower weight again... See what I mean? But, unfortunately, you're not changing the underlying mindsets, beliefs, and insecurities that got you into this mess in the first place.

It's not the right mindset to have in recovery, and that can keep you stuck in this quasi recovery for so long because you're not changing the mentality in recovery. You're only physically recovering at this point, and you're not mentally recovering.

Remember, mental recovery is changing these beliefs that we have that our body needs to be a certain way that it's not naturally designed to be or that your body needs to be somewhere else rather than where it is RIGHT NOW for healing and restoring and thinking it needs to happen quickly, that it needs to happen speedier right or thinking "I don't like the way my body looks right now so I need to speed things up" or "I hope that it happens on my timeline as it should happen like this"

because we're all so used to structure and plans and mindsets like "you can lose a pound a week in blah blah blah," these are the wrong ways to approach life.

It's literally about letting those things go, which can often make us go like buzzurk and go nuts to be like, "okay, I have to let things flow. I just have to go with the flow wherever my body takes me, wherever my hunger takes me, I have to follow that, and it's outside of my strict regimes or routines."

And yes, some of us do better off of routines. But, still, at the same time, maybe you should challenge that a little bit deeper and go outside of the routine. If it causes anxiety and fear still to go outside of a particular routine or regime, then that should probably be challenged.

Because I'm all about routines, I like my morning routine, getting up and having some water and then having my coffee and creamer and then sitting and chilling and drinking my coffee and looking outside. So, yeah, I like that routine. But, still, if I was in a situation where I was traveling, or I was in a hurry, and that routine couldn't happen, then whatever, I'm not going to have a panic attack anymore because I didn't do it in a specific way.

If I woke up one day and I was closer to my period, and I felt a little more bloated, or if I had a bit of those hormone pimples, or I felt extra hungry. It caused me to go outside of a particular routine, or my body looks a bit different, or my hunger and satiety looks a little bit different, so what!

It's the ebb and flow of every month and the cycles.

So again, I want to get the point across that wherever you are right now if you've come from a past restriction and you're following your body and you're following your hunger or maybe you're having to force your meals because you don't even have hunger signals anymore after dieting for so long, and you come from a past of restricting or anorexia, bulimia or orthorexia, or just a strict clean eating dieter and your body has overshot or it's just gained a lot of weight and that's where you're at right now and your body will not budge and that's where your body is at for the time being or your body is still gaining even if you have been constantly feeding yourself and resting or maybe the extreme hunger has died down but perhaps you're still gaining, then it's time to try to let go of the guilt, try to let go of the fear, try to let go of the control, try to let go of the constant feelings of the future and what the future holds or how things are gonna pan out or where you're gonna end up after recovery, just let go and BE.

This is an essential lesson of recovery, the breakdown of the ego and the breakdown of that old false facade of an identity based around your body looking a certain way. The lesson is finding your value, true identity, who you are, what you have to offer this world, and all your strengths and gifts that have nothing to do with your body.

So if you're not trying to find that within yourself, I challenge you to start doing that now. Start trying to shift and neurally rewire these limiting beliefs and mindsets that are hurting your recovery or prolonging your healing. These mindsets keep you stuck and in this state of fear, trying to control things. The beliefs that leave you feeling that your recovery is wrong if your overshoot doesn't go down, or you're because you're 'still' at a certain point even at a year or even two or three years since beginning your recovery and you're not where you think your body "should" be..

Stop "should-ing" on yourself. You know, this whole thing of my body "should" be or my body "should" look like or this overshoot "should" come off.

I had to get to that point where I was like, you know what, I went from 90 pounds to 190 pounds hundred pounds of weight gain within my recovery. I was trying to fight it, and I was going back and forth in quasi recovery. I had to get to that point of just being like, whatever, I'm done fighting my body and trying to think, maybe my body will release this weight gain or this weight gain is terrible, I need to get this off ASAP, or no one's going to like me, I'm not attractive…

Sound familiar? So I had to go up against those mindsets and those beliefs that I'd been telling myself for so long and challenge those. Finally, I was able to get to a place of acceptance. With this mindset shift of, "okay, you know what, I am ready to be at this weight forever if I need to be because I've gotten so much health, life, opportunity, vigor, and joy back in my life in return that I would take this body with extra body fat then going back to being sick and malnourished and miserable but at a lower body fat.."

So I had to get to that place, and it just so happened that in my recovery, my body led me to where I am today, and it released some "overshoot" weight, but in the future, if something happens and my body wants to look different or change, then whatever.

If the end product comes from forcing weight loss, that's where it's not natural and healthy. If the end product comes well after you've already accepted your body and where it's at, and you continue to live your life, then cool, but you're not attached to it, and be like, okay well, this is me again, I'm identifying with how my body looks again.. no.

It's also accepting the process that the body ebbs and flows throughout life, and that's okay and know: you're not lazy, and you're not weak, and you're not a glutton, and you're not a wrong person, and you're not a shameful person… you're the opposite! You are so strong! Recovery takes a powerful individual to go up against the grain, to go up against pretty much everything that everyone has been taught about our bodies and dieting and exercise.. that takes a freakin a strong ass person.

This isn't about recovering for like a year or two and then getting back to an old body type.. recovery is about accepting and finding yourself again and being okay with where you are RIGHT NOW.

One more thing to address in the question.. she mentioned: "your message may feel misleading like you are saying if you do this "right," you'll lose weight too."

So I can't entirely agree with this because I don't think there's a "right" way to recovery.

If you are eating to fullness, you are following your hunger cues, and when your satiety cues return, you're following your satiety. When you are resting, when your body is asking for rest, maybe you're in pain, you're swelling, you're achy all over head to toe, you have that nine-month pregnant belly, your joints hurt, and your body's gaining weight. You're not suppressing it. Then you're not doing recovery wrong.

That's recovery.

Some people need guidance, and that's what my coaching is for or my online courses (you can find them linked below), but for the most part, that's recovery.

And you're not going to do recovery wrong.

Recovery is all about finding your own balance – where your body feels most comfortable, and maybe that's not in line with your "mind's desires" of where you think your body "should" be and reside..

Only your body can tell you where that's going to be. But if you think that you're doing recovery wrong because your recovery is not falling in the same timeline or the same sequence as other people's, as mine or as the other recovery coaches.. or your body is not looking similar, or you haven't lost the overshoot or the extreme hunger hasn't gone away yet, or you haven't gotten your period back even after a year...

...you're not doing recovery wrong if you're following all those things I mentioned above, which is pretty simple in theory but very hard to do, right?

Eat, rest, eat, rest and neurally rewire and change those limiting beliefs.

The physical recovery and mental recovery are both needed simultaneously. One is not more or less critical. It would be best if you had both.

One other thing she mentioned was, "it's not fair to say you won't stay at a weight you're uncomfortable at or that you won't stay obese."

Well, just because the mind is uncomfortable in a specific body or if you may feel uncomfortable physically because you've been in a smaller body for years and years. Perhaps your whole life, then yeah, any change will be uncomfortable, so that's not to say that it's wrong, though, because often the most growth comes from outside of our comfort zone.

Growth and change do not come from just staying comfortable. That's what causes a lot of the problems and suffering is the attachment to that comfort zone.

So yea, I agree, again it's realigning the mental and the physical. That can come into balance and homeostasis with time and your constant, consistent effort to accept where you are right now and challenge all of these feelings and beliefs that you tell yourself..

So what are you telling yourself daily?

What do you tell yourself when you're going to eat that off-limit food? What are you telling yourself when you look in the mirror? What are you telling yourself when you don't go to the gym? What do you tell yourself when you're resting and maybe you're feeling guilty that you should be doing more..?

What are you telling yourself and THEN get underneath that thought.. get to the root of that – what are the feelings that come up? Not good enough? That you are lazy? Is it sadness? Is it hurt? Where are these feelings coming from? Where did these mindsets and beliefs develop? And then unlearning all of these false beliefs and perspectives that you learned as a kid {out of ignorance} but now you have the awareness, and now you can change those.

It doesn't make it easy, but it is doable, so it's your time now to parent yourself through this.

You have to be your parent or be your coach at those times when you're not watching videos, reading recovery blogs, or getting guidance from a coach or therapist.

At those times, what are you going to do?

I would recommend stepping into those uncomfortable feelings and feeling them and not trying to overthink them and overanalyze them.

Without acceptance, you're going to have along with the life of fighting yourself, constantly fighting your body, and now recovery turns into something that you're doing "wrong," just like in the diet mindsets where you did the diets wrong..

Recovery is not another thing to shame yourself for, that you're doing it wrong and that your body is mistaken for where it wants to be.

Just know that you are good enough as you are right now no matter who told you that you're not at whatever point in your life, and then you took that on as your own belief that you continue now to say to yourself.

It's just not true.

You're so much better than that. You have so much more to offer this world. I hope that you can reconnect with your true self. You're on the right path. You're not doing recovery wrong.

Now, I wanted to share a story I received recently from Sona, which I felt would go with the topic of this video:

Even from the people who didn't think they could go through their recovery or begin to accept and even love themselves: it IS possible!

xx Kayla Rose

P.S. I have a unique complimentary resource that maps out How to Stop Feeling Obsessed With Your Weight, click here to get your copy!

 

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