Uncategorized Mar 09, 2020

A lot of people during their diet recovery, typically gain some [healthy and necessary] weight. And by “some weight” I mean a lot of weight, QUICK, within the first week, and first several months, if not more for some.. It can be so uncomfortable that you may feel 9 months pregnant and bloated all-the-damn-time..

It can be uncomfortable and a hit to your vanity as well as your [false] identity, to see the body changing, to feel the body changing, and triggering to try to fit into the same clothes you did prior to eating more and giving up the diet restrictions and over exercising.

Although it’s not easy, just know it will get easier with time, to accept your new body and the changes that come with it, as your eyes adjust to the quick and abrupt changes as well as your brain’s reaction when looking in the mirror..

…that is, IF you’re working on your mindset around your body, your self worth and your self esteem as a human. 

Okay, so what do you wear when you feel all sorts of discomfort and change, edema, water retention fat gain, and your old clothes don’t fit anymore?

Well, a popular clothing item is yoga pants!

Lose fitting, flowy (not tight) dresses, baggy sweaters, less tight shorts, pants, jeggings, whatever FEELS comfortable for YOU, don’t shame yourself into buying what looks good, but makes you feel all sorts of triggered and uncomfortable! This is self sabotage behavior.

But clothes that are YOUR size too. Another form of self sabotage that will only hinder your growth and progression, is to hold onto the size 0 you once wore in your starved, malnourished and depleted body! If you’re still holding onto that body, that identity, that clothing size, YOU ARE SO MUCH MORE THAN THAT! You are more than a number, you are more than your body..

You have gotta let go in order to move forward and get to where you want to be in your life. Recovery. Freedom. True Health. Sanity. Relationships. Brain Space. Self Respect. and so on..


I’ve heard someone mention in the comments on my youtube say they have resorted to maternity clothes,.. heck yea! I bought maternity clothes just because sometimes they have cute maternity clothes, and lets be honest, they are comfy as hell especially when you feel pregnant and bloated all the time (which is a good thing, it means you’re nourishing your body, and giving your body the energy and nutrition it needs to heal so you can get on with your precious life!)

Even now, because i like loose, comfy, stretchy clothes, I continue to chose functionality over “looking good” just to keep up with the trends or keep up with the Jone’s, which I don’t got time for that! Too much wasting of brain power on something I don’t care for. But if it’s important to you, then do that, if it’s an act of self love, rather than self sabotage.

Anyways I don’t care if it’s maternity or mens or from the thrift store! If someone judges me for that, fuck em. I don’t need their approval. And you shouldn’t need others approval either. If they’re judging you for this, then that’s questionable on their part, not yours, they’re most likely insecure with themselves, so judgment of others makes them feel better short term, but long term they suffer.

So don’t let others insecurities dictate your life and decisions.


Let go of those last bit of clothes you’re hoping to fit into one day..

If you fit you when you were malnourished and starved during your diet or eating disorder, you’re not going to fit in it in a healthy body!


Again, go to the thrift store or consignment store to save money, if you’re worried about spending too much money.

Stop holding onto the clothes with the mindset of “well after recovery…” or “once I get to this point, then i can wear them again” or “what if what if  what if …”

By letting go of this aspect of the eating disorder, (ie letting go of those last bits of clothing items you’re holding onto, which is not full commitment to the recovery process) it will help propel you in your recovery.

It will be another aspect you are letting go of, for what’s to come.

By letting go and not holding onto this part of the diet mindset, you then can allow for more and better things to come into your life.

You grow and you move forward, rather than staying stuck.

By not releasing the old clothes, again, this is self sabotage behavior.

You are sabotaging yourself from moving forward.

These clothes fit a different you, a starved you, a miserable you, and you are growing away from that; you are becoming something more and better!

It’s okay to let go, because you are onto bigger and better and more meaningful things in your life!

Don’t self sabotage anymore or remain small, not allowing yourself to take the leap of faith and follow your gut. Follow your body and let go of the control (in which you think you have..)

Chose Sanity, not Sabotage..

Sanity will come as you continue to release, transform and find your true self through recovery, as you find your balance, as you work on your self worth and as you believe in your value.

It’s okay, you’re safe.

Allow the body to guide you, don’t keep holding onto the starved body, the numerical size and the clothes that fit that old self… you deserve comfortable clothes!

There are plenty of cute fashionable and hella comfy clothes!

Buy buying clothes that fit your changing and healing body, by letting go of the old body and the old clothes, is a form of self love and act of self love!

Because you’re doing it with the intention of healing, true health and a better you, which in turn will be better for the world!


I got rid of a lot of my clothes that didn’t fit in my recovery finally, but still held onto a little pile i stuffed in the corner of the closet for like a year into my recovery… in the back of my mind i was like “well… what if?” and I held onto that, and so I wasn’t fully committed… because of fear..


It wasn’t until I looked at that pile one day and I was like “the hell with this, I’m getting rid of the whole dang pile and all the excuses that are attached to it!”

It felt so good to finally release it! Even with all the fears and doubts screaming at me right after I said the hell with this, the ED brain was like “fuck-shit-noooo!! keep it, you never know, those were expensive name brands, their you’re favorite clothes Kayla, just keep them just in case…” This instilled fear in me, which prevented me from taking the action I know I needed to take deep down..


But really deep down, I held on, all because I wanted to fit in them again.. because I was uncomfortable in my body and did not like my body.. I hadn’t yet really grasped the concept of body respect, nor developed my self esteem or self worth beyond my body…

and at times of weakness I’d lose hope in the process and question how much weight I had gained..

BUT.. I found strength in that moment and reminded myself of my WHY. — Why I was choosing recovery. I didn’t latch onto those fearful and doubtful thoughts anymore even if they tried to continue to haunt me.. (and they sure did for a long time)

So I took the pile and got rid of it all for good! And it was like a shift had occurred.

No the weight didn’t fall off overnight lol, but there was a big shift to where my body, brain and true self, sensed that I was finally at another level of my commitment, and things slowly continued to get better, mentally phsycially and emotionally.


All these little challenges in recovery are there for a reason; they’re here to teach us all a lesson: to learn about ourselves and where we have the most fears and why we have those fears.

If we look at them, rather than be controlled by them, we can overcome them and truly learn from them to empower ourselves slowly overtime.

Diet recovery is just a stepping stone, just a piece of our personal development journey, so commit yourself to a lifelong journey of learning and growing.

Accept and acknowledge the growing pains and pleasure and all and their purpose in our lives!


I remember people asking me if i was pregnant in my recovery… yea ouch…but I didn’t let it take over me, those comments weren’t going to stop me. I knew deep down what I was doing and why I was doing it, and I didn’t have to explain why I had gained weight..


I just looked at them smiled and sometimes giggled, and replied with “nope, not pregnant!”

Just own your shit. Remember that everyone is going through something! But we don’t have to share it (unless we want to and feel safe to) to make ourselves feel better.

I felt pregnant besides looking pregnant, but I knew why because I educated myself on the effects of starvation and recovery on the body after restrictive dieting and over exercising, and I reminded myself of WHY it was happening and WHY I had to keep going anytime i felt discouraged, frustrated and angry with the process and with my body…


So try to do that for yourself as well! Remember, you gotta trust the process & have that blind faith, following your gut feeling, that our bodies will heal once they learn to trust us that food will be consistently coming in again, and we won’t starve or deprive our precious bodies ever again because we understand and respect our bodies now and all the amazing things it does for our survival.

Know that yes, the growing and challenging part of life can be difficult, but it’s so worth it and more fulfilling than a life of familiar misery, just because it’s “comfortable.”

Aim for comfort and functionality above all! How did you dress as a kid before you cared about any of this and developed a broken ego? I know I rocked my un-matching clothes with my hair crazy and owned it with a big smile on my face because that isn’t what mattered! What mattered was if I was receiving love from my caretakers and my experiences in life, focusing on what was joyful, fulfilling and meaningful! Ask yourself the same! When did you start caring, and why did you start caring, and does the “look” of your clothing define your value?

I hope this article has served you well, watch the video below for more tips on this!


I send my love to you through this screen, and just know, you’re not alone, and you’re so brave to keep pushing and doing what’s best for you, even when the going gets tough.



Kayla Rose

Holistic Nutritionist

P.S. I’m hosting a free masterclass specifically for people who want to stop feeling obsessed around food and truly heal their metabolism and you’re invited! Click here to sign up.



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