“I’m not “Underweight”… Do I deserve to eat & recover from an Eating Disorder??”

Uncategorized Mar 09, 2020

There’s a lot of misinformation out there about disordered eating or eating disorders or an unhealthy relationship around food or your body and exercise.

There’s a lot of people thinking,

  • “I never was in starvation.”
  • Or, “I have issues around food in my body and exercise, but I don’t have an eating disorder Kayla.”
  • Or, “I'm not underweight, I’m actually coming from a place of being at a higher weight or even 'obese'. I don’t have an eating disorder.. Does this ed recovery approach actually apply to me?”

There’s different mindsets or fears or doubts about these issues.

There is a huge misconception about eating disorders. There’s this belief that only people that are very underweight or that are super lean have an eating disorder or that they are the only ones that are worthy of this approach of recovery, but even with that, even the people that may be like very lean and have the six pack or have the just a very lean body or low BMI, they may not even think that they have an eating disorder.

That’s why this video is for a lot of people who don’t think that they have an issue and then it leaves them not finding the help that they actually need. Eating disorders are not just for people who are underweight.

Having an eating disorder is not just about how you look, it’s about your mindset towards your body, food and exercise. Your mindset is guilt, fear, control or shame driven – which is not normal, it is disordered.

People at high weights or low weights, all can have an eating disorder and this is where there’s a lot of people without help that this message can apply to. If you think that you’re that unicorn that doesn’t deserve to recover or isn’t “sick enough” to recover or you think that you haven’t had hope or this isn’t right for you or you don’t deserve to eat, I want to say right now that that’s not the truth.

I have a lot of people coming to me in a similar situation as you. I want to talk more about that.

If you’re thinking:

  • “Can I have an eating disorder and not know it?”
  • “Can I have an eating disorder and not be underweight?”
  • “Can I have an eating disorder and be overweight?”
  • “Can you have an eating disorder and be fat?”
  • “Can you have an eating disorder and be normal weight?”

If you have any weird behaviors around food, if you have any insecurities around your body even if you just want to lose five to 10 pounds or you just want to get a bigger buck because yours isn’t good enough the way it is or you just want a flat stomach because you saw so-and-so and they’re better than you, why can’t you look like that naturally?

“I’ve dieted and I’m really hungry, all the time, all I think about is food.”

“I just feel like I could go into the grocery store and I could just eat all of the foods in there. I could go to the center sections of the grocery store, the center aisles and I literally could eat everything in there.I’m so hungry than I don’t even know what I want.”

These kinds of thoughts, these kinds of feelings, these insecurities and these weird restrictions around what you can eat, what you can’t eat, what your body should look like, feeling not good enough, feeling like you have guilt around if you eat food or you have very strong fear if you eat a food that’s been off limits because you think it’s unhealthy.

These all fall into line that you have an eating disorder whether you want to call it anorexia, orthorexia or bulimia, whatever. Yes, I know that there are differences, but there are a lot of similarities as well and there are different kinds of eating disorders, but the path to recovery looks quite similar.

There might be differences and things that you need to focus on whereas the other person doesn’t need to focus on that. This goes in line with people who think, “Oh, I’m at a higher weight. I’m not like these people that you talk about that got to a really low weight or they got super lean and they got a six pack. I’m not like that. I actually am at a higher weight. I’m at a normal weight or I’m actually overweight and I’ve been dieting and I’ve been restricting and I feel crazy around food and I hate myself and I’ve hated myself since I was a kid or you know I’ve hated myself for years or however long.”

Maybe not even years, maybe it just happened and that’s what spurred the diet on. Then you do restrict and then binge and then gain weight. This is the misconception here is that people at a higher weight can’t have eating disorders.

They just need to not eat so much. – They say… That’s how our culture deals with those people, but then when you look into their story and you look into their past and you look into what they’re currently doing and what they’ve been doing, you see this common scenario.

It’s not the same, but there are similarities. These people, and I’m not saying that this is everyone’s story, but this is what I’ve been hearing so often recently, and I wanted to bring this up because it’s very common. Their story goes like this.

They were a kid, they had parents who probably had good intentions and they wanted the best for their kids and they were ignorant and they were brainwashed to diet culture and beauty culture and whatnot or they had parents that were just intentionally putting their diet issues, their body insecurities on their children, or they just grew up in that environment and they saw their mother with an eating disorder of some type or they saw their father with an eating disorder of some type.

It affected them because we children, we model our caretakers whether we realize it or not. These people from a very young age we’re told to restrict certain foods, certain foods were bad.

Maybe it was just that they were brought up in a very healthy environment where they could only eat clean and healthy foods. There’s so many different scenarios. Then when they would go to their friend’s house and their friends could have all the junk foods, then they would binge at their friends house and they would just be thinking about food the whole time that they were there and they could finally eat all the foods that were off limits.

Then they would come home and their parents would scold them for eating those unhealthy foods or scold them for if they were plump. They had more weight than your siblings did naturally or perhaps you were put on Weight Watchers or South Beach or you were just restricted from processed junk foods or you were restricted to a certain amount of calories per day or you were made to do certain exercise regimes that were not play time, they were not fun time for you, but you were shamed into doing it.

You grew up in this environment? Then you go in and you’re confused and insecure and you’re deprived as a teenager, right? Then you hear, maybe you have friends that pick up a diet or maybe you don’t and it’s still, you just have this mindset now around dieting and restricting and then hating your body and need, and this need for controlling your body.

Then this will start the cycle for the diet, binge, purge cycle into adulthood, right? These people fall into that diet, binge, purge cycle where then they continue to find a diet to lose some weight or maintain a certain weight that they’re trying to maintain.

Then they get to a point where they can’t do it, they can’t do the diet any longer and which is normal and then their body causes them to binge because it desperately needs that food, right?

This can go on indefinitely. Further, every time they diet, they lower their metabolism and then every time they ended up binging, their body holds onto the weight, water and fat storage for dear life because it thinks that it’s going to be in this continual threat because it has been since a child.

These people can literally diet themselves into what people call overweight or whatever according to the BMI scale which is a bunch of BS. This is what happens. People don’t ever question this and they don’t say, “Oh, you have an immune disorder.”

No, people often see that as a weakness or that there’s something that they’re doing wrong or which they are, they’re restricting and dieting. It’s not that their body is the problem, it’s not that the binging is the problem, it’s not that the weight is even the problem, it’s that they’ve been dieting, they’ve been yo-yo dieting for so long, trying any and every diet, any and every weight loss gimmick, any and every fat burner supplement or whatever, and they’ve literally dieted the themselves to a higher weight.

I’ve talked about this in the past, but the reason I’m talking about it again is because I hear this so often is that these people that are at a higher weight don’t deserve to recover, right? But that is just not the truth.

These people completely deserve to recover and the approach looks the same. Yes, you may still put on some more weight because, it doesn’t just happen overnight to where you choose recovery and your body senses, “Oh, okay, we’re safe now even after so many years, the trust was broken and it’s been given the message that it’s going to be starved continually.”

That doesn’t happen overnight. These people may still gain weight just like pretty much everyone else does, but the same thing happens. It will plateau eventually and then the body will want to go to where it naturally feels the healthiest and most comfortable.

That’s your set point range which is typically a range. It’s of like 10 pounds, not just a point and that’s it. That’s where you stay. It’s typically a range where you fluctuate, but this is the thing, it can take time for all of us.

A lot of us want to be like, “Okay, I’m ready. I want this to be done with, I want it now. I want to be recovered now.” Here’s where patients comes in and here’s where you have to realize that it may take some time, but you have to be willing to accept this process for as long as it’s going to take.

If you really have tried anything and everything and it hasn’t been working for you and that’s why you stumbled into a recovery YouTube channel, normal people don’t hang out on Damn The Diets or any other recovery channels or what I eat in a day videos, they just don’t.

They’re doing other things with their life and they think we’re weird talking about why we should eat and stuff. If you stumbled onto this, there was something deep within you that knew that something was wrong and you were seeking answers.

You were seeking a solution and you didn’t want to hear about another diet, maybe the eating disorder wanted to hear another diet to latch onto because that was still a sense of control to keep you stuck, but deep down, you knew, you felt that this recovery thing felt so liberating and so freeing, yet immediately, you may have been like, “No, that’s a bunch of bull crap.”

This can’t work for me and then the eating disorder wants to say, “Well, you’re overweight or you’re at a higher weight, you’re at a normal weight, so you don’t deserve to recovery. You don’t deserve to eat.” But this is the lie and you have to tell yourself the truth.

This is a lot of recovery is replacing all these lies that we picked up along the way and replacing it with the truth. This falls into two, yes, the people that are coming into recovery at a higher weight, they deserve to eat and they deserve to endure the same recovery process.

As you continue to gain, this is for people who may come from a lower weight and then they hit a higher weight, they weight restore or they get their period back or whatever.

You still deserve to eat and you still need to keep eating, right? It’s not that your weight restored now or you’re at a higher weight and so now you need to start restricting again.

Now you need to go back to the behaviors that caused you to question everything and fall into a recovery platform. No, this is the other misconception is that once you get to a certain weight, then you need to start restricting again or you don’t deserve to eat anymore, but this is the lie once again and the only way to get to full freedom and recovery is to keep eating.

Keep eating as much as you want, don’t let those pesky little thoughts come in and saying, “Well, should you really have that?” Or, “Do you really want that? That food?” Or, “Are you really that hungry? Come on, you already ate this much, you don’t deserve to eat that much at this time. You already ate this much.” Or, “Should you really eat more carbs? You already had so many carbs, you should probably have some protein.” When really you want carbs.

All those thoughts come in. You’ve already gained this much weight, if you keep eating these processed foods, or if you keep eating as much as your body is asking for, then you’re just going to gain exponentially and this process isn’t going to work for you. This is just a bunch of BS.

All of those are lies. Don’t listen to them. Do not let them take that strong hold back over you and bring you back to where you’re coming from because it doesn’t work, where you’re coming from, you know and I know that it doesn’t work.

I just want to instill this in your brain aside from the eating disorder, you, I want you to know that you need to keep eating and if you are at a higher weight, you need to start eating and if you’re coming from any past of restriction of any kind, any kind of restriction for any extended amount of time, you deserve to endure this recovery process and yes, it works, you just have to be patient with the process and you have to trust your body and you have to remind yourself every day to re-accept the process because you’re probably going to get all the fears and doubts come in every day and you have to re-submerge yourself into recovery and you have to take it one day at a time.

Not thinking about the future, but thinking one day at a time, one moment of time, what do you need right now? Not thinking about, “Well, if I gained weight in the future, then I shouldn’t have this food because that’s going to make me gain weight.”

No, if your body is asking for a certain food, a certain amount of food, a certain food at a certain time of day, whatever, then listen to that. Wherever that fear is coming from, that’s exactly what you need to be addressing right now.

Wherever you feel the most fearful around, if you have any fears still, that’s what you need to be focusing on instead of getting overwhelmed with the whole process of recovery which can be overwhelming if you think about the whole process rather than just right now, then yeah, you’re probably going to get overwhelmed.

Try to just focus on where you need to start right now. If you’re in the beginning, just focus on where you’re at then. If you’re later on in different stages, focus on what you need to focus on when different challenges arise, right?

Of course, I can’t do a video without getting off on a tangent of some kind or I cannot do a video to save my life under 10 minutes. I apologize. With that, I’ll leave it at that. I hope that this eases your fear a bit.

I just want you to face the fears to get over the fears. You deserve to eat. You deserve to recover. Do it for you. Choose your life over all of the BS out there. You know, deep down that you want this and you know how good it felt initially to feel that feeling of you need to eat. You should be eating more, you need to gain weight, you may need to gain more weight.

Listen to that. That’s you calling. The eating disorder wants to suppress you, but you’re getting your power back. The eating disorder is going to cry really loud when it’s losing power, it’s going to scream the loudest.

That’s when you keep going and through that, you’ll rewire your brain, you’ll create new realities for you, your new normal, and it’s all going to come together. Just stick with it, you got this!

 

With love,

Kayla Rose

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