It’s that time of year again…New Year, Same ED Recovery Method!

Uncategorized Mar 09, 2020

Hey everyone, welcome back to my blog in 2020! 🙂

I know that this time of year can maybe be a little bit difficult, maybe challenging, especially when you’re in recovery, and you’re trying to challenge all these diet lies, and diet culture, and beauty culture, and trying to gain weight for whatever reason, to recover, trying to face your fear foods, everything that we’re told not to do, right? So especially around this time of year, it is very amplified. Cutting something out of your diet is very encouraged around this time of year, and it’s really dysfunctional, so I know that this time of year can already be hard enough going through your recovery, let alone to maybe be surrounded by people that are engaging in these kinds of topics. The topic of conversation is what diet they’re going on, what they’re doing to amp up their exercise regime, and how they want to get into an energy deficit for health purposes, or they want to force themselves to eat the foods that they don’t really want to eat to… In the name of health, right?

If this is annoying and challenging, you’re not alone, because I feel the same way. Even being recovered, and people know what I do, they still don’t get it, and they like to talk to me about the keto diet and stuff, and it’s just like, “No, I’m not going to talk with you about that.” Anyways, the purpose of this video is just to encourage you to not give in to these doubts that may arise, because everyone’s talking about this diet or that diet, or this exercise regime, and it may start to make you feel doubtful of what you’re doing in your recovery, right? Because you’re in recovery, and whatever those people want to do, it may make you start to question what you’re doing, so I just want to encourage you to stand strong around this time of year and not give in to it, because it’s all a lie.

All of those are a bunch of lies, okay? It didn’t work for you before, and it’s not going to work for you in the future. You know what it’s like to go on all those diets and cut this and cut that, and amp up your exercise regime, and lose that five pounds or get to a very low body fat percentage. So either or, you know the complications that come that forced you into seeking alternative answers that led you to recovery, so remember that. Whenever those doubts and fears try to creep in and tell you what you’re doing is wrong and you need to go back, don’t listen, stand strong. The eating disorder loves this time of year.

So yes, even you dieters, I know that you guys like to think like, “Well, I never had anorexia, so I’m not worthy of this kind of recovery, maybe I should do this kind of diet, maybe that’s what’s going to work.” No, it’s not going to work, it’s never going to work. Diets are never going to work long-term to give you the life that you want, the freedom, the nourishment, the peace around food, and the peace around your body. So the only thing that you should be doing right now is committing to yourself to resting and to eating. And here’s the key, without the guilt, and without the shame, because you know that this is the healthiest thing that you can do for yourself, because it is.

The healthiest thing that you could do for yourself right now is to gain the weight. Not the lower end of the BMI, not getting to a BMI of 19 or 20 or 23 even, like a higher BMI. The higher range of the BMI scale, higher, or way higher. Your body may need to be at a way higher weight than that, so just don’t settle and get stuck there. If anything, make a goal for recovery right now, to stay committed and stay focused, and tune out all the BS and all the crap. So if that means not going on social media right now, not going even on the internet, like don’t even watch this YouTube video anymore if an ad pops up, then do it. Set boundaries for yourself right now.

So everyone around you may be talking about their diet, or the 30-day challenge, or six-month challenge to get a bikini body, or they’re investing in this get fit program, whatever it may be, it may feel like you’re alone, but you’re not alone, and you’re doing the right thing. You’re right where you need to be, and it’s going to be okay if you keep going. Just think about where you were this time last year. Really think about it, where were you this time last year?

And then think about if you stay on this course, where are you going to be this time next year? That’s what’s exciting. Because if you keep going on this cycle, the diet, restrict, binge, gain weight, lose weight, restrict, binge, gain weight, lose weight, exercise more cycle, then you’re going to be in the same spot as you are right now as you will be this time next year, and I don’t want that for you, and I sure as heck don’t want you to want that for yourself. Maybe you haven’t been doing that and you’ve been in recovery, but you’ve been being tempted to go back to that, where you’re coming from. Don’t do it. It’s not worth it.

So while the rest of society wants to do all of that and claim that they feel great, you just be a skeptic and don’t believe everything that you hear just because they’re claiming that. It’s the internet, remember that. Even me. Question me, and do what’s right for you. Don’t listen to the eating disorder, but do what’s right for you. Call yourself out and be… Continue to be honest with yourself. And so while they’re doing all that, you just do you, and do recovery 100%. Not 80%, 100%. In a year from now, they’ll be in the same place, in the same cycle, in the same mental state, hating themselves, hating their diet, fearing weight gain, fearing eating enough calories that they’re truly craving deep down, while you have gotten your life back. You’ve gotten peace and freedom around food, you’ve gotten your health back by your weight gain, you feel better about yourself, you feel more confident in what you’ve chosen to do because now you’re starting to see the benefits, or you may see the benefits altogether.

The actions that you’re doing now are going to get you to where you’re going to be in the future, so are your actions that you’re doing now going to keep you stuck, or are those actions going to get you to being recovered, fully recovered? And then what’s your standard? You want to be 80% recovered, saying and lying to yourself that you’re recovered, or do you want to be 100% recovered? I would suggest to raise your standard if it’s anything lower than 100%. I sure as heck didn’t want to be anything lower than 100%.

So instead of cutting back on the butter or the saturated fats, or the sugar, or the gluten, or cutting back on the carbs, or processed foods, or sweets, or whatever it is that you’re truly craving and you’re lying to yourself and telling yourself that that would be better for yourself, but you know that that’s made your life miserable, instead of that, you should be spooning in the butter by the spoonfuls if that’s what you’re craving, in large amounts. Or eating the boxes of cookies in the amounts that you actually want. Not just having the cookie, but having the cookies, as many as that looks like. Or instead of having a piece of bread to get to maybe 50 grams of carbs per day, having the whole frickin’ loaf if that’s what you want.


Maybe it’s having the yolks with your eggs. Maybe it’s drenching your food with oil, and not putting just a teaspoon in to cook with, because that doesn’t make food taste good, and it doesn’t satisfy your body for what it really needs and wants for its hormones, for brain health, for cell regeneration, organ function and all that good stuff. You know what really encompasses health? The only New Year’s resolution that maybe one should strive towards is developing patience this year, and developing acceptance. The only way to get to developing patience is by… Is through acceptance really, but they go hand in hand. That’s the hardest thing for a lot of us, is just waiting it out, and just sticking with it and sitting with it in the long term, for as long as it’s going to take. Whether that’s a year, two years. Typically takes two years, if you want me to be honest. Three years. And if it’s taking a while, really question yourself. Is there something that you’re doing that is holding you back and keeping you stuck?

Now is the time to be honest with yourself, because if you’re not honest with yourself, you’re only doing yourself a disservice, you’re only holding yourself back. So if you’re still justifying you being in full recovery, but you still have your walks and your yoga, then you’re probably not in full recovery. If you still are… You’re maybe eating your fear foods, but you’re not eating enough of them, like the amounts that you’re actually craving for, like eating 24/7, all day long and all night long if you know you actually gave into your hunger, then your hunger kicked in and you felt like you just couldn’t stop, so you back off and you just have one muffin and… Or maybe just one cookie and save that for later because of fear, of weight gain typically, then that’s not full recovery. So again, what’s your standard, and are the actions that you’re doing now going to get you to where you really want to be?

I got a few flyers in the mail last week, all of which had “keto-friendly” “keto certified” “keto keto keto…. No carbs. It annoyed me. Because I’ve tried keto in the past too many times, all of which sucked the life and health out of me, literally.

How is low carbs going to sustain any human being? I’m sorry, but this no carb fad is just really getting old. We need carbs, every cell in our body runs off of carbs. A calorie and a carb is just a measurement of a unit of energy. Energy. So what’s so bad about a calorie if it’s just energy, because no energy or low-energy, AKA low-energy diets, low-calorie diets, low-carb diets, that means you’re going to be a low-energy human being. How are you supposed to do anything in life if you have no energy? Just because you eat more and more protein and more and more fat, it doesn’t make up for the carbs. You need the carbs, we need the carbs. And for you high-carb, low-fatters, you need the fat. Whatever you’re skimping on, that’s what you need in your diet.

So of course all over it it says, “Keto certified. Keto-friendly, paleo-friendly, life-friendly.” I’m sorry, but that is just not life-friendly, that is life-suppressing, life-sucking, life-killing. That’s what it’s doing, it’s killing you.

So if you think that you don’t have an eating disorder because you don’t look emaciated like a typical anorexic eating disorder thing that everyone thinks is only an eating disorder, you’re killing yourself too with these low-calorie diets. That’s why all your systems in your body, your organ function starts to decline and your metabolism lowers, and your hair starts falling out and you start feeling cold all the time, you start to get bloated and digestive problems all the time, you start to get constipated and you start to get no energy, fatigue, and you can’t sleep at night, like all of these things, because of the diet.

I know, I used to count my carrots too and count the calories in the carrots, but that’s insanity.

You can’t compensate for the protein and the fat to make up for the carbohydrates, you need the carbohydrates, that’s why you’re going to continue to binge on the carbs while you stay on your low-carb diet. Carbs are going to continue to control you until you add them back in consistently and enough. Next. Keto protein, egg whites, and all that jargon. Okay, all these three came at the same fricking time, and it just really pisses me off. They sent these things to the wrong household, so they’re getting blasted.

To the fire!

Keto burn!!


Just don’t buy into this. If this comes knocking on your door, don’t buy into it. I made the mistake early on in my recovery, about several months, like after… After I left my grandma’s house, if you watch that other video, and I landed on this landing page for this superfood supplement that was supposed to boost my metabolism and just melt the fat off of my body. And because I was weight-restored and still holding onto water, and I’d gotten my period back for a few months, and it’s just like, why wouldn’t the weight go down, why wouldn’t the water retention go away? I tried to take matters into my hands again, I tried to take back the control, and it bit me in the butt.

It didn’t work. It gave me heart palpitations if anything, it didn’t do what it said it was going to do, because it’s a bunch of baloney. I’d rather eat the baloney than those stupid supplements. It’s just a scam. So if you find yourself on one of those landing pages that says “This is the new superfood that’s going to be the magic cure to all of your issues,” when really it’s just trying to say “You’re not good enough, because if you have any fat on your body then you’re not good enough, and you need to lose it because then you’ll be good enough,” but we all know that that never works, because even when you get it off, you still feel not good enough, if not even more, it gets amplified.

Okay, one last thing. For Christmas, I watched the new Grinch movie, the animated one. I love those animated movies, they’re so innocent typically. What did it have? It was teaching kids that because the Grinch had some belly fat, a bigger belly, and that because he was… He had some trauma in his childhood and it was Christmastime, and we can start to feel shameful if our life isn’t as how the movies say our life should be around the holidays, and he was feeling bad about it. And so what did they show him doing? They showed him emotionally eating, and he used the term “Emotionally eating,” that it was a shameful thing, and it’s just really sad that this is the message being told to children.

Children are the most intuitive, normal eaters out there, besides people that have recovered from eating disorders, they become if not even more normal than they were before, because they know the lies for what it is. We could learn from children, we shouldn’t try to shame them for… You know, and teach them young to get them as a customer young, because if could shame them young and put them into that cycle early on, then they’re a lifelong customer to sell supplements to, fat burners to, diets to, weight loss gimmicks to, liposuction to, and it’s just terrible.

I don’t know why I’m talking about all this stuff, but it’s just ridiculous that this is what’s going on in the world, and it’s sad, and it makes me sad. I’m just glad that I can see it for what it is. I know a lot of you guys see it for what it is now too, so I’m just… If anything, it’s like just don’t believe these lies, okay? Don’t question what you’re doing, stay on the path, stay on recovery path, it’ll all be worth it, and you won’t regret it one single bit. You won’t. You’ll never want to go back, it won’t even be appealing anymore, but you will be pissed off and saddened by what you see going on in the world though, the more and more your eyes are opened.

So anyways, this was a long rant post, but I hope that it resonates with you in some way. Let me know what you guys think in the comments below. I just want to say how much I appreciate you guys’ support.

Your support means so much, you guys are so sweet, kind-hearted, gentle-spirited, intelligent people, and it’s awesome. And you deserve so much more than being controlled by a diet or a fear of weight gain, because life is so much more than restricting food and controlling our body weight.


xx Kayla Rose

If you want further support in your recovery journey, be sure to check out my online resources for that by clicking here!


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