Am I Becoming Unhealthy in Recovery? Let’s Redefine Your Definition Of Health, ED/Diet Recovery

Uncategorized Mar 09, 2020

Hey everyone, Kayla here, welcome back to another post. 🙂

Sound like you:

  • "Am I becoming unhealthy in ED Recovery by following my true hunger?"
  • "Will eating 100% unrestrictedly and following my extreme hunger make me unhealthy?"
  • "I'm not just worried about gaining weight but also becoming "unhealthy" how do I go about my cravings in diet recovery??

I get it.. trust me, I do...

I just got off a client call and we were talking about something that keeps coming up in a lot of my clients calls let’s have a little chat about it.

What it is, is people come to me coming from a restrictive past, some kind of restrictive “healthy” diet, whether it’s fruitarianism, raw vegan, cooked vegan, just a normal vegan in general, ketogenic especially, or a gluten free, dairy free, sugar free diet. Just the clean eating diet in general, like chicken and rice, or tilapia and broccoli or whole30 whole foods only or something of this nature (there’s a lot out there these days.)

So all of these different kinds of diets, there’s just people from all different parts of the world coming from all different kinds of diets and past life styles.

They seem to be struggling with the same issues, right? – Digestive problems, skin problems, fatigue, people feeling like they’re going to bed dying every single night. That was with me, like I’ve talked about before, you’re scared to go to bed because you feel like your body is just shutting down on you. You feel like you’re dying. You’re clinging on to this diet ideology, this diet mentality because for so long, you’ve been living this diet. You’ve been living this lifestyle of healthy, wholesome eating and yet you still don’t feel healthy.

And so, why is it that even though your body is shutting down, you’re having massive health symptoms, and yet you cling on to this healthy ideology. You can’t let go of it, even though it’s right in front of your face that it’s the diet that’s causing these problems. Right? It’s the diet.

This was big for me that pushed me into accepting recovery, was that I had to realize that there was a problem with what I was doing in my diet. It was the diet, it was the restrictions, it was the healthy diet that was causing all of these problems, right? I had to come to terms, come out of denial, and really face the harsh reality that it was a problem. I had a problem. And I didn’t want to see it that it was an eating disorder, or disordered eating. There’s no way.

I used to scoff at orthorexia, like “oh they’re just trying to stop people from being healthy.”

No – It’s a REAL problem.

Sometimes we can be playful about this whole recovery thing, but at sometimes we need to be realistic, and we need to be honest, and we need to know, and face the harsh reality that this is a real problem, that can lead to severe health complications or even death – and recovery is not to be taken lightly.

So if that’s motivation for you to keep pushing in recovery and take it seriously, and wake up to the fact that you need to come away from these healthy mindsets, that aren’t really healthy for you right now, then that’s going to be huge in your recovery, and you could find the help that you actually need at this point.

So, there’s that. But then there’s also the fact that there’s different definitions of health in different parts of your life. So what I mean by this is, what is your definition of health? So if you’re really clinging onto health. Like I can’t eat processed foods in recovery, because health. I’ve worked so hard for my health, and cleaning out my body, how could you sit here and tell me to eat Chick-Fil-A, or burgers, or pizza, you know? And I get it. I was in the same boat. I was having panic attacks and I just couldn’t fathom eating mucus forming milk, or inflammatory gluten, and sugar, acidic animal products. Or eating addictive junk food. All of these things. But, yet, I wasn’t the walking epitome of health.

You see this a lot lately too, all these leaders in these health movements are now coming out saying that they’ve been suffering this whole time. But, we’ve been led to think that they’re so healthy and they’re the epitome of health. But really, they’ve been struggling the whole time too. They just haven’t been honest about it. So if you’re wondering well how is this person able to do it, and they’re healthy? But then you find out that they actually have been struggling with digestive problems, and fatigue, and hormone problems, and they didn’t have a period for a few years, or they’re binging in secret, or whatever.

It’s redefining what health means. Think back to when you were suffering the most. During your diet, right? Because that’s why you’re probably here. So you’re having all these health issues, but you still define that as health. You still define whole grains over white rice as health, because that’s what we’ve been told. You’re facing so many health problems from these healthy foods, and this healthy diet, or this healthy meal plan. So how is that really healthy? How is that healthy? How is that health if you’re suffering, even though you’re eating all these healthy foods.

You’re probably well on your way to having a heart attack from all the stress from trying to be pure, and clean, and perfect in your diet versus having the pizza kill you from it not being healthy. Right? Does that make sense?

So what is health to you? Is it spending your day stressing, and calculating, the calories, and the macros and fearing to go out and eat something, and you can’t eat this food you really want because the nutrition label says that it has dairy in it, or animal products, or sugar in it, but you really want it, and you feel so deprived, and you’re fatigued. You just feel terrible. You don’t want to go out with loved ones because the restaurant there doesn’t prepare the foods properly or they don’t combine the foods properly or it’s cross contaminated, or it’s going to cause a digestive flare up or whatever.

So it’s like health too is more than food. You have to define for yourself what are the priorities in your life? Right? Do you want to spend your days just thinking about food all the time, and trying to be perfect with your diet, and your exercise regime? Do you want to be thinking about food constantly when you’re out with your loved ones? Do you want to be fearful of the fatty foods or carb food that they’re going to make you unhealthy? Or do you want to spend your days free from all of that, able to eat to fuel your life, and your passions, rather than eating just to live, and be perfect in your little diet exercise bubble.

So what are your priorities in life? Mine were … like I couldn’t do anymore. It was exhausting. I just couldn’t do that. I tried to go back and forth and that’s just not the life that I wanted to live anymore. I had done it for so long, and it was miserable. Although you get the compliments like oh well you look so good, what are you doing, blah, blah, blah. But you’re like suffering on the inside, and you’re like if only you knew. If only you knew. I’ll switch you places.

Again, what is the life that you want to live? And me, I chose this intuitive, normalcy type life where I can handle all these foods, I can go out, not think about the nutrition, or the calories, or the fat/carb/protein ratio. I didn’t have to be fearful, or have anxiety, or digestive problems, and hormone problems, all from eating. And so that’s health to me. Right? Not being ultra lean and trying to look a certain way, or trying to be ultra clean internally, and be ultra healthy but I wasn’t really healthy.

It’s really just like waking up to the reality. Health, what is health to you? Was it really healthy where you’re coming from? Like if you’re doubting, like oh I should go back to restricting, and over exercising, because I need to get my health back, well think back. Why are you even here? Why did you even fall into recovery? Were you really healthy where you were coming from? Probably not. I don’t know why you would be watching my channel if you were totally a normal eater and fine with your health, and you didn’t go into a diet and exercise regime and get super lean with your body or any of that stuff. I don’t know why you would be watching my video. But if you are, hey.

So anyways, the whole point is to redefine what health is for you right now. Not for anyone else. Not what other people are doing around you. Because they’re not coming from the past that you’re coming from. Their body’s not in a malnourished state like you are. So what is healthy? What is going to be the most healthiest for you right now? For a lot of people, it’s going to be processed foods. It’s going to be the most healthy. For some people it’s eating animal products. And for some people it’s going out to restaurants, or getting take out, or going through the drive through and getting that kind of food.

And for some people it’s starting to find their balance, and have a balance of all of this, and just have their body guide them, and really trust that the body has it covered. What is health for you right now? Where are you at right now? And what’s going to be the healthiest thing for you right now? Is that going to be to not go the gym and rest today? Is that going to be to take a day for yourself, and just de stress? Is that going to be to go on a bike ride because you want to go outside, and it’s beautiful, and you just have a lot of energy and you want to go have fun. Or is it that you just are really ravenously craving Chick-Fil-A, or In and Out Burger? Or is it that you are really craving a home cooked type meal, and you want to sit down with your family or friends, and just have a good simple meal at home?

What is it going to be right now for you? Is it going to be to not let the fears, and the oh my gosh, I’m not … I don’t know the nutrition in this food. I don’t know the calories. I’m having more calories than I did yesterday. I need to burn this off after I eat this. That’s not a life worth living. That’s not what life was meant to be. It’s taking you away from the life that you were meant to live out. It’s taking away from your purpose that you were sent here to live out. All of this stuff. The obsession with the body, the obsession with food, it’s taking away from who you truly are. You’re not your diet, and you’re not your exercise regime, and you’re not this 6% body fat person. That’s not you.

I’m on a tangent once again. But I hope that you get what I’m saying with all of this. I hope this makes sense to you. Out of anything, it’s redefining what health is going to look like for you right now, and what’s healthy for me right now may not be your health right now. You know what I mean? My balance probably is not going to be your balance. What worked for me in my recovery may not be the right thing for you in your recovery right now. Where I’m at right now, should not be where you are if you’re just coming to this, and you’re in your early stages of recovery. You know what I mean?

The same goes for everyone else in the recovery community. We’re all so unique. I see time and time again with my clients that are fully able to embrace this, and really look at what’s going to be healthy for them right now, and let go, and fully trust their bodies, and give it what it wants because it’s so intelligent. They’re able to find health again. And they’re going against everything that we’ve been taught to be healthy. It’s actually the most health promoting for them. It’s ironic but that’s why I’m doing this, right? Because I was right there with you so scared to branch out, but it’s been the best thing ever, and I feel the best that I have since before the first diet, when I was starving myself with Adderall as an appetite suppressant, going to school all day, not eating, then binging at night. So I felt like I do before that. And I want that for you too.

I want you to actually, truly be healthy again. So if you’re worried, again, about becoming unhealthy with all these processed foods, or just dairy, or these kinds of foods, for you it might be the healthiest thing that you could do in your life, and for your body to just eat those foods that you crave, and that you know that you wouldn’t feel deprived anymore, and you would get a better quality of life. It would be the healthiest thing for you. Let the motivation out weigh the fear. Define your priorities, reprioritize your life, if needed. And keep going. And recover, and keep eating, keep following your body. Keep developing that trust between you and your body. And it will all balance out. You won’t feel so crazy around food and exercise.

So there’s more to say about that, but I just wanted to quickly touch on these things. I hope that this post has helped you in someway.

I hope that you’re doing well in your life, and in your recovery. Thank you for reading!

Until next time, I’ll see you in the next post.


Kayla Rose

Holistic Nutritionist

P.S. I’m hosting a free masterclass specifically for people who want to stop feeling obsessed around food and truly heal their metabolism and you’re invited! Click here to sign up.


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