I felt deprived, i was having heart palpitations, I felt physically/mentally/emotionally drained, I could only think about my cheat meal-post competition binge after the show, i was dehydrated not being able to drink too many fluids and using diuretics, I was trying so hard to suck my stomach in bc of how bloated I was, I was constipated, I couldn’t sleep, I felt degraded after all the hard work put in for months it still wasn’t enough, I felt I still had “fat to lose,” I had to pose a certain way to hide my scoliosis and disproportionate body frame…
I just wanted to get this over with because I was so done with it all, I had so much pressure to live up to, I felt like my body was shutting down on me, I was lonely because my restrictiveness isolated me in life, I was irritable and moody, I had no libido or period..
I was running off of Adderall, coffee, pre-workout, and Clenbuterol to give me energy because i had none of my own anymore… and the list went on and on..
There IS a healthier way to go about being healthy and fit; going to these extremes is not the answer… .
If something is making you go crazy, causing you to lose your life because of it, or ruining your relationships with food, your body, exercise, and loved ones, whether it’s pushed by society or not, you shouldn’t force yourself into misery to love yourself or be loved by others. .
When people said I looked healthy, or inspirational, I felt like a fraud because I felt like death inside. .
Don’t compare yourself to others whether they make their life seem so perfect on the internet or social media, because you can never truly know what’s going on when the camera is off or inside their head Day to day.
My heart goes out to everyone who feels like crap because of all the shit we have to see and “live up to” Day in and day out in which confuses the hell out of us…
Be stronger than the herd. .
Learn more about my story in depth and HOW I overcame it all after, in my book “Damn The Diets” by clicking here ! 🙂